Only Human
by TheTransfiguredCanary
Summary: Harry discovers a secrets relationship between himself and Severus Snape. But his dreams are crushed by the expectations of his classmates, his teachers and, the world. Soon, it is too much for even his impressive capacity for love to remain unaffected.


A/N: Just so you know this is based off of the song 'Human' by Christina Perri,

idk if it counts as a songfic though. *shrugs*

* * *

'_I can hold my breath, I can bite my Tongue.'_

'_I can stay awake for days if that's what you want.'_

'_Be a number one.'_

Harry stood outside his professor's office. He was replaying the events of the month previous over and over in his head, as well as the conversation he had had with Hermione last night. A month ago, on his birthday, a letter had appeared before his eyes. It came with a phoenix feather, which only made Harry feel like there were some things even Fawlkes kept from professor Dumbledore. Inside the letter were well wishes from his mother, as well as a shocking admittance.

Snape was his father!

It had been too shocking to even fathom for Harry at the time. The only thing he knew was that he wanted that sort of relation ship with Snape. He wanted to be his son. And more then anything he wanted to make Snape proud. For reasons he again couldn't fathom. His brain was still foggy from grief over Sirius's death. Which is why he stood before the professor's door, uncertain whether that had been such a good idea after all. He was reminded of Hermione's words once again when he had shown her the letter the night before

Flashback

"This is… wow."

"I know… what should I do?"

"Harry… I … well I don't know what to do but I'd handle this delicately."

"Why?"

"I just… I don't want to see you hurt… and professor Snape isn't the nicest person, I'd never suggest that he might intentionally hurt you physically, but his words can be quite cutting… just don't want to see you hurt in a way that I can't fix with a spell or a trip to Madame Pomfrey."

End

Finally Harry had agreed with Hermione. He would put this evidence forward with a cool heart and head, anticipating nothing so that, if Snape point blank refused him he would be hurt. He knocked on the door.

"Enter." Was the bored response from within. Harry took a breath to clear his head and opened the door. "Potter. Tell me what you want then get out."

"I'd like for you to read this sir." Snape snatched the paper from Harry's grasp. He looked at Harry and began to read the letter. When he got to the end of the letter he turned on Harry viscously. Suddenly he turned back to his desk and threw it aside in burning rage. All of his parchment ink and quills scattered splattering the scene in bright red liquid scarily similar to blood.

"IS THIS SOME KIND OF SICK JOKE?" he tore up the letter in a flurry of flying parchment. Harry watched in numb shock "GET OUT! GET OUT GET OUT GET OUT!" Snape screamed and it was all Harry could do to flee from the room and up to Gryffendor tower. Despite the promise he made to Hermione not to be hurt he cried himself to sleep that night.

* * *

'I can fake a smile, I can force a laugh.'

'_I can dance and play the part if that's what you ask;'_

'_Give you all I am.'_

"Harry…how did it go?" Hermione asked in a whisper. Harry smiled on the outside while his soul cried out in pain.

"It was alright… I have to go back and talk to him again."

"Are you sure… he looks kind of…livid." Hermione said glancing at the head table. Harry didn't even spare a glance. He could feel the burning eyes on his body.

"It'll be alright… see you tonight okay…" Harry said smiling again but he had the distinct feeling Hermione could see that it wasn't in his eyes. Ron walked up, much to Harry's relief, forcing Hermione to drop the subject

"Whoa, Snape looks like he wants to kill you more then usual Harry, what were you up to last night Harry?" Ron asked piling his plate with food blissfully unaware that Harry felt sick.

"Shagging your sister in the astronomy tower." Ron sprayed his pumpkin juice all over the second year across from him before coughing. The force of his coughs caused him to fall over the bench sprawling over the floor. Seamus and Dean Laughed out in loud guffaws. And Harry joined in, but it weak at best. Hermione glared from behind her book reminding Harry that their conversation was far from over.

'I can do it. I can do it, I can do it…'

'_But I'm only human, and I bleed when I fall down.'_

* * *

'_I'm only human. And I crash and I break down.'_

'_Your words in my head, knives in my heart.'_

"Train you?"

"Yes sir." Harry responded with resolve. Snape circled him with disdain.

"I have tried to train you before."

"That was occlumency… I want you to train me in combat, cause our Defense professor is shite as usual."

"For once… I am inclined to agree with you… besides… you are the one who is destined to defeat the dark lord… no matter how ridiculous the notion that a teenager with the magical power equivalent to gnat compared to the dark lord could be capable of such a feat." Severus looked him up and down once. "Very well, you will report to me every night at eight o'clock exactly, tardiness will not be accepted. You are dismissed, now get out of my sight." Harry turned but he couldn't help the real smile that played on his lips, maybe this could work after all.

* * *

'_You build me up and then I fall apart,'_

'_Cause I'm only human…'_

" Again! Honestly Potter I don't know how you've survived this long! Get up!" Snape walked up and dragged a heavily breathing Harry to his feet. He pushed his always back and walked back to the other end of the room. Harry was having trouble standing. He readied his wand half heartily. Snape saw this and sneered. He whipped his wand down in a slash and Harry was flung across the room. He landed in a crumpled heap feeling his cracked ribs and other injuries. "Pathetic." Harry whimpered. "Get up Potter."

" h's snpe." Harry wheezed.

"What did you say?" Snape asked turning to him suddenly quite worried. If Dumbledore found out he'd actually caused permanent damage. After all he knew the boy had some form of genetic brain defect, all Potters did, it was how they acted so stupid. But if potter was saying what he thought he was saying

"It's Snape!" Harry screamed hoarsely, tears streaming down his face from pain. Both emotionally and physically. Snape stared at him in shock. Some much so that his fingers slipped free and his wand clattered to the ground. Harry stood favoring his left led clutching his right side. "Don't worry, you don't have any claim over me any more… I'd rather die. You may be my general Snape… but you'll never be my father." Harry spat out before he stepped out of the office slamming the door behind him to the best of his wounded ability.

* * *

'_I can turn it on, be a good machine.'_

'_I can hold the weight of worlds if that's what you need,'_

'_Be your everything."_

(SS)

I stood in my office unaware of passing time. It must have been eons because I doubted the amount of pain in my heart could be lived through in one lifetime. I didn't know why it hurt so much. It's not like I actually wanted what the letter said to be true.

Because I didn't.

And I never would.

Ever.

…

Right?

No, I though to myself. You did want it. You wanted it more badly then anything else you've ever wanted in your life. That's why it hurt. Because you tried to push him away and he finally cracked and pushed back. And now it's as he said, you have no claim to him. I took a shuddered breath. Then clamped my mouth shut and swallowed. No, a decades worth of tears would not be spilt from H…Potter. But my body did not listen and I seconds my head was in my hands and I finally let all of my wariness and sorrow free.

I'm sorry Lily…

I'm so sorry…

And soon I was doing something I hadn't done in more then twenty years.

I was crying.

(HS)

I screamed once again as my bones were snapped back together. It wasn't a pain that Pomfrey could cure. It was buried so much deeper then skin. It had been pushed so far away because it made me feel things that I couldn't any more.

Dumbledore always said that my ability to love was a gift.

It was starting to feel more like a curse to me.

I once again curled into a ball of pain and cried myself to sleep when Pomfrey was finished. Ignoring my worried friends. When I woke next it was cold. I soon realized it wasn't the room that was cold, but my own heart. It was filled with ice. Frozen over to protect itself from any more pain. I felt numb… and I was glad.

Because it gave me the strength to carry on.

It gave me the strength to keep fighting.

It gave me the strength to still believe in love.

"Sir yes sir." Harry spat angrily at Snape. His eye twitched and Harry thought he could see a bit of pain in the horrid mans eyes. Good, thought Harry, maybe you wont be such a bastard if you see how it feels. Snape's eyes frosted over after a split second.

"Enough of your cheek."

"Yes sir." Harry replied icily.

Never before had the office seen such a viscous duel. Neither participant left unscathed. But it wasn't the outer wounds that were cause for worry.

"Pathetic as always potter… I hope you die in any battles to come, then, at last, people with take my word that you are incompetent seriously." Harry's eyes glazed over in shock. And with those last words Harry's heart froze for good. Nothing touched it any longer, and Harry lost his most precious gift.

Because that night Harry swore he would never love again.

* * *

'I can do I! I CAN DO IT! I'LL GET THOUGH IT!'

'_But I'm only Human! And I bleed when I fall down!'_

'_I'm only Human! And I crash I break down!'_

"On the front Severus? But you position as a spy…"

"Is already compromised… I wish to do something with my measly shred of what is left of my life Albus. I… I cannot live with the guilt any longer… it's… eating… me. Eating me away to nothing…oh gods, please Albus, please help me."

"Very well Severus, if that's what you want…"

'_Your words in my head!'_

(SS)

I waited for the lights to momentarily pause their frenzy before leaping over my barricade well aware that I would not leave the battle unscathed.

'_Knives in my heart!'_

(HS)

I felt nothing as I watched Snape limp past me in the halls. Serves him the fuck right, I hope it doesn't effect my training.

'_You build me up,'_

(SS)

I dove into battle again, knowing I would be injured, and knowing I deserved all the pain.

'_And then I fall apart!'_

(HS)

Fuck you Snape I though angrily as I read the note from Pomfrey stating Snape needed to rest from his injuries in battle.

* * *

_'Cause I'm only human…'_

Severus leapt over the crumbled wall be was using as a shield he took down to death eaters with a great swish. Their insides were tied into knots effectively killing them internally as organs ruptured. There was gore splattered everywhere. Severus turned and murdered two more death eaters who tried to catch him by surprise. A cry made him look to the side as he watched one of his companions fall

_'I'm only human!'_

Severus watch two more companions fall. He quickly avenged them, but not with out a price. His left shoulder was badly damaged by a powerful slicing hex. He stumbled from the hex and used the momentum to take out two more dark wizards he had once called friends and companions but he was quickly surrounded beyond his fighting capacity.

'_Just a little…_

That didn't stop him from going down taking more then half the squad with him

_'HUMAN!'_

* * *

'I can take so much…'

'_Till I've had enough…'_

It was a Tuesday.

Harry felt like that was important for some reason.

It was raining

He probably would have been glad

Harry stood by the coffin waiting to be sunk into the ground. He was staring at the rose in his hand.

White.

The color of roses given to those with a deceased father or male guardian.

Harry stared at the coffin.

It was sort of plain for a war hero.

Made of wood.

Black.

He would have liked that.

Harry felt a tear slide down his cheek.

He was officially an orphan.

The weight of that crashed down on him and he gave a chocked sob. There was a sea of people standing behind him. He had to keep it together. Stay strong for them. They need him to… he had to keep… That's not what…

"Fuck you dad." Harry said letting another tear fall.

There was a sob from the crowd. Probably Hermione. She would be the only one who understood.

He tried to toss the rose onto the coffin but it wouldn't leave his numb fingers. He stared at the coffin again.

The ice in his heart cracked.

A strong hand was placed on his shoulder.

But it wasn't his father's.

A chunk of the ice fell away.

"This is all my fault." Harry said quietly to the person at his side. "All of it…"

The crack grew.

"I should have… I should h-h-h… have told him."

The ice was falling away quickly now

Harry could almost feel it again.

"Told him what Harry?" the comforting voice of Remus floated into Harry's ears. But it wasn't the comfort her wanted.

He finally let go of the rose. It fell into place with the other roses in stark contrast due to the difference in color.

"That somewhere inside my frozen heart… I still loved him… because he was only human… a-a-and… h-he was allowed to m-m-make mistakes!"

With that Harry sank to the wet grass and cried.

He cried for what seem like hours. Hermione was on his shoulder crying along with him.

He could feel his heart again.

As he stared up into the rainy sky letting the droplets wet his tear-tracked face he smiled through his pain. He could feel his heart living and breathing.

It wasn't exactly whole.

There were cracks.

It was painful empty.

But it was there.

And it was on the day of his father, Severus Snape's, funeral in Godric's hallow,

Harry Potter swore that he would never lose his capacity to love every again.

* * *

_'CAUSE I'M ONLY HUMAN!'_

Harry leapt ran into the think of the battle. His friends were in trouble they could be dying.

He couldn't save his dad. But he could save them.

_'AND I BLEED WHEN I FALL DOWN!'_

The training paid off. He was faster and stronger then he'd ever been.

"Thanks dad." Harry whispered from his hiding spot.

_'I'm ONLY HUMAN!'_

Harry ran farther. Soon he was on the death eaters attacking his friends. He took them down with well placed silent curses.

_'AND I CRASH AND I BREAK DOWN!'_

Hermione and Ron each nodded to Harry before a sound of screaming caught their attention. Neville was standing over Naginii. The one who screamed was Voldemort.

_'YOU BUILD ME UP AND THEN I FALL APART!'_

The battle was short and quick. Really it was just one spell. One spell spoken that you couldn't speak for your self. The battle had truly ended that rainy Tuesday…

'_**I'M ONLY **__**HU**__Man…'_

* * *

Because Harry had never intended to fight him…

"You won't be leaving then…"

"No…"

"Your friends will miss you."

"They'll live."

"You certainly did."

"Ahaha, I'm immune to your sarcasm now."

"Heaven forbid it."

"Is there a heaven?"

"Yes… no… I'm not sure."

"Wow. Helpful."

"Watch your cheek."

"Yes sir."

"…"

"Sorry…"

"You have no reason to apologies."

"Still."

"… Your be unusually selfish Harry… it worries me."

"I'm allowed my faults dad."

"I'm only human."


End file.
